Confused..

Last nite sy mcm kena heart attack..

sakit jantung dgn apa yg blaku..

it was very sudden..very drastic..

but i can't do anything about it..

I seem to lose all my strength in a blink of eyes.

Syukur mc ada Tuhan..

..dan itu saja yg buat sy mc bernafas dan mc bertahan sampai saat ini..

kalo tidak, for sure sy sudah terjun dr tingkat 10 Desa Tekun ni..

Thanx Lord buat kekuatan yg Engkau berikan...

Sy pun tia taw sampai bila..

sampai bila ni akan terus terjadi..

ntah apa salah sy..

sy perlu tahu itu supaya sy tahu sy kena buat apa..

tp, skrg ni satu benda pun sy xtahu..sy xfaham..

mau melangkah pun xtau mcm mna..

Sy sama mcm seorg traveler skrg ni..

d tgn sy lengkap semua tools..

sy ada map.. sy ada compass..

tp mungkin xperlu tu semua sbb i have something even better..GPS..

hurmm..xpayah manual2 dgn map dan compass lg..

tapi..sy sesat d tgh2 tempat yg sy sndiri xkenal..

even worst, sy nak tanya org jln keluar..

but org tanya sy blk "kmu nak ke mana?"

dgn bodohnya sy jwb "sy xtau sy nak ke mana..sy sesat ni.."

"I need someone to tell me where I am now..!"

and that person will definitely go away at that instant..

nak minta tunjuk jln tp xtau nak ke mana..

some people that i ask mungkin jwb

"u go and ask sombody else ya?"

huh..how many?? till i know where i am and where i'm going??

But hey..actually i know d exact person..

sy pegi kat dia..tanya..

"sy d mana bah skrg ni?"

"sy mo tau sbb sy perlu decide sy mo pegi mna!"

another bad luck..worst of them all..

d person don't wanna talk even a single word!!

i ask..d person remain silent..

i give d person a paper n a pen to write..

d person didn't even look at those..

i use sign language that i made up myself..

lg bodoh! i look like badut buat per4mance dpn org tu..

aiihhh...so what do u want me to do to make u speak??

tell me!!! arrgghhhhh...

that GPS is useless now..

nak guna benda canggih2 mcm tu konon..

tp destinasi pun xda..

that's y sy xhenti2 nangis dr semlm..

this morning when i wake up..

mata bengkak..kpala mc pening..

sy bdiri ja..peduli lah.. sy maw p church.

dlm bathroom, siap sy mandi, sy hmpir mati dlm shower!

mungkin sbb mata n otak x brpa betul..

i slipped..pinggang sy sakit gila2..

syukur bkn kpala sy thentak kat lantai..

syukur...tp pinggang mmg sakit masa tu..

mna igt nak bsyukur lg tym tu..

Tuhan sorry..

i got up tp xdpt stand up tegak..

rasa mcm nak crawl jak balik bilik..

OMG! sakit wo..sy masuk bilik, trus baring..

nangis lg..huhuhu~ aduhh..

now i can't go to church..

sy sepatutnya serve hr ni tp...

huhu~ sorry Pr Sam..! sorry Wilma..!

i kept crying till sy xsedar pun bila sy tertidur..

Now I'm awake..

i grab my ubat..g minum ubat tu..

ok la ckit pain sy..kurg2 sudah..

ambil hp, byknya msg..

but none came from d one i expected to receive..

huhu..i open n read all..

thanx Mr Lee my bro..I love those Words..

thanx Yama my bro..I love those Words..

xtau apa yg mau d reply ni..

reply ckit2 jak..

sy perlu time utk fikirkan semua ni..

sy perlu ruang utk fikirkan semua ni..

tp..doesn't mean that i have to b alone kan?

i got so many nice friends that i can go n talk to..

tp..now mesti dorg tgh study..

Just now, someone ask me out..

should i go??

xtau lah..even simple Q like that pun

susah sy mo jwb d sbb kan kebingungan yg melampau ni..

adOoiii lahh...maybe i should go and have fun..

but can i?

maybe i should stay in my room n start revising..

but...can i??

aaahhhh....mantap persoalan2 ku..

xsuka oh..can i laugh at myself now?

"hahahahahahahah~

tu laa ko bodo sgt Bet...

tu ada Daddy yg bleh bg ko wisdom bh fikir baik2..

p doa skrg..! and 1 more..

stop crying would u?"

adehh..huhu.. next week exam dah..

I need to recover..Tuhan tulung sia!!